I remember that Dream
by ficlover08
Summary: AU Leaves the book a bit. Peeta and Katniss have connected dreams.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Hunger Games because if I did Finnick would still be alive.

A/N: Katniss never kissed Gale at all. Oh and the ending was kinda rushed. Woohoo, 7800 words in four hours

* * *

I watch as she lifts the bow a bit and see her arrow fly straight between the eyes of President Coin rather the late President Coin. I'm frozen with shock as to why she would kill her and not the man who has made her life a living hell. I see her whisper to her bow and suddenly I find myself sprinting towards her and as she turns her head I immediately know what she's about to do and reach out to grab the pocket on her shoulder. I feel her teeth sink into my hand as I grab her arm.

"_**Let me go!"** _she snarls at me. For a moment I feel fear because I know that if I do she's going to try again, try to take her own life. I don't know why I care though. I'm not even sure I should trust her , but why do I feel like I need to trust her. My mouth open on its own and I hear myself say without thinking _**"I can't."**_ I know there's another meaning to it and it just leaves me confuse because the fear that plagues me right now tells me that if she dies, if I were to lose her again, then I would lose all meaning in my life, then, as if by magic everything rushes back to me.

* * *

_I'm five years old, its my first day of school and my father has come to escort me. My mother didn't even bother to wish me good luck. I hold my father's hand as I spot her, the pretty little girl from the seam in her red plaid dress and braided hair, each of her hands were in her parents and her mother holding her little sister in her arms. The mother obviously used to live in the town before her marriage, though she did look happy. They pause in front of the school as the little girl looks around beaming and I feel my face heat up. I hear my father sigh and speak to me._

"_You see that girl Peeta?" My father starts as he points to the little girl in the red dress._

_I nod as he smiles at me, his eyes taking on that look that says his mind is far away._

"_I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner." he finishes._

_I frown at that and look back at the family, the mother was beautiful even more so than my own and I could see the little girl would look a lot like her mother when she grew up, she even looked nice. Then I look at her father, he was stunningly handsome and he looked gentle and caring like my own, but I can't think of a reason why anyone would choose to marry someone from the seam even if it was out of love when they could have my father._

"_A coal miner? Why would she marry a coal miner if she could have you?" I ask in my childish voice._

"_Because, when he sings... even the birds would stop to listen." he told me and just like that I feel excited._

"_Really?" I ask and nearly jump when I see my father nod._

_I turn back to the girl again and see her mother and father talking to Mayor Undersee and his wife as the little girl talks to the mayor's daughter. I think her name was Madeline. I hear someone call my name and turn to see my bestfriend Delly Cartwright._

The memory fades and is immediately replaced by another from the same day.

_I'm sitting in the auditorium as the music teacher Ms. Carol continues to talk about the different songs we would learn. _

"_You will learn about the traditional lullabys of district 12 as well as how to sing Panem's national anthem..."_

_Instead of listening to the teacher I find myself staring at the little girl who sits a few rows in front of me._

"_Who knows the valley song?" I hear Ms. Carol ask and I immediately see the little girl's hand shoot up._

"_Good, please come up and sing it for us." she says as the little girl stands up, I see Madeline whisper something to her as she smiles at the girl._

"_What's your name dear?" Ms. Carol asks and I find myself hold a breath as if it would prevent me from hearing her answer._

"_Katniss Everdeen" the little girl responds proudly, her voice melodic and soft. Katniss, it seems weird but at the same time it sounds perfect for her._

_As soon as she gets up on stage she starts singing and immediately all conversations stop and the auditorium is quiet, except for the beautiful voice of the little girl in front of us. Even the teacher is speechless and the birds are quiet no doubt listening to her. Her voice was soft, full, rich and powerful. Its the type of voice that commands attention, the type you would think angels would have._

_As soon as her song finishes I realize what my father meant when her mother chose her father. Because I know that I am now under her spell._

The next memory surfaces next.

_I'm twelve years old, my father and brother's are out while my mother's teaching me how to make bread._

"_Not like that you stupid child..." she scolds me however she isn't able to continue because she sees something and rushes to the front immediately. At first I think its a customer until I hear her screaming._

"_Get out of here. You brats from the seam are always going through our trash, well there's nothing there. Now leave before I get the peacekeepers." I hear her screeching and decide to take a look. What I saw made my heart drop as I see Katniss, thin and sickly, I immediately return to the kitchen as my mother instructs me on how long the bread has to be in the oven. As soon as she turns around I tidy up and leave the bread in too long._

_As soon as I get the bread I pretend to be horrified as my mother sees the burnt bread. She grabs a wooden spoon and hits me._

"_You stupid child, feed it to the pigs. Why not? No decent person would buy it anyway." she yells at me. As she grabs my arm and drags me to the back door throwing it open and pushing me out. I remove the burnt piece little by little and throw it to the pig knowing my mother and Katniss is watching. When I see her finally go in to the store to tend to a customer I wait for a while then look at the door again._

_When I didn't see her return I threw one of the loaves to Katniss and wait for another minute before I throw her the second loaf. With that done I immediately return to the kitchen. Feeling proud of myself._

* * *

Blank... next memory

_I'm sitting by the fireplace playing chess with Haymitch in Katniss' house. Its late and she hasn't returned yet. To top it all off there are two peacekeepers waiting for her. I came here to give some of the freshly baked bread when I found Haymitch there. Apparently Haymitch ran out of liqour and decided to go here to ransack Katniss' supply knowing I wouldn't give him anything yet. Unfortunately, she hid it extremely well and has decided to stay there._

_I decide to stay as well, and soon enough a game starts between the two of us. We get lost in the game and lose track of time. I hear Mrs. Everdeen humming in the kitchen and soon enough a variety of delicious scents flow out from the kitchen into the living room. On the dining room table I see Prim doing her homework. I smile and think about how peaceful the Everdeen family's life is now, somehow I realize that if any family deserved this type of life it was the them._

_Mrs. Everdeen, the sweet and compassionate woman, had stopped charging her patients once she learned Katniss had won the game. Knowing more people would seek her services if she didn't no longer charged them, and since they no longer had to worry about money she had decided to do so._

_There was Katniss who lost her father at a young age and has been providing for them ever since. She would sell quality meet at the hob and to others at a low price._

_Then there was Prim, the sweet girl who wanted to follow her mother's footsteps and become a healer. She had such an outgoing personality and could make anyone smile. Everyone loves her even my mother._

_I notice it was starting to get late when I heard someone knock on the door. "I'll get it." I told them as I made my way to the door praying it was Katniss. On my way I caught a glimpse of the clock. 7:30. Dinner time. I guess it is her, she wouldn't be late for dinner I suppose. When I opened the door I was frozen with fright. Two peacekeepers were standing in front of me and I started to think of every possible thing they might say. I shake myself out of the stupor and compose myself._

"_May I help you?" I ask them politely._

"_Were looking for the Ms. Katniss Everdeen." The female peacekeeper said coldly as the male one just nodded._

"_She isn't here right now. But if you'd like to wait for her you can stay at the living room." Prim says as I nearly jump. I didn't notice her come up behind me. I move to let them in and close the door behind me returning to my seat._

_As the clock chimed 8 I started to worry again. She went out to hunt again so what if she was hurt? Or worse dead? No, don't think like that. What if she ran away with Gale? That did it. I started to panic. She wouldn't leave Prim and her mother would she. I turned to look at her family and I see them looking as anxious as I felt. Finally the door clicked and I heard Katniss' voice._

"_I'm home. Mom, Prim." she calls out as she walks into the living room. I see the look of relief on her mother's face as she rushes to hug Katniss. I hear them talking and the two cast a glance at the peacekeepers. I see her acknowledge them and see her drop her bag on the table as she turns and makes her way to us and once she reaches us, leans in to kiss me._

_She returns to the peacekeepers and soon enough they start talking._

"_May we ask where you've been, Miss Everdeen?" the woman asks._

"_Easier to ask where I haven't been," She say with a sound of exasperation. I watch her cross into the kitchen. _

"_So where haven't you been?" says Haymitch in a bored voice._

"_Well, I haven't been talking to the Goat Man about getting Prim's goat pregnant, because someone gave me completely inaccurate information as to where he lives," She tells Prim emphatically._

"_No, I didn't," says Prim. "I told you exactly."_

"_You said he lives beside the west entrance to the mine," She responds._

"_The east entrance," Prim replies calmly._

"_You distinctly said the west, because then I said, 'Next to the slag heap?' and you said, 'Yeah,'" I hear her argue._

"_The slag heap next to the east entrance," says Prim patiently._

"_No. When did you say that?" She demand rather testily. "Last night," Haymitch chimes in._

"_It was definitely the east," I add. I look at Haymitch and we laugh. I remember rather well seeing as it was only last night. I also remember because it was Katniss that invited me to dinner. I see her glare at me and I try my best to look contrite. "I'm sorry, but it's what I've been saying. You don't listen when people talk to you."_

"_Bet people told you he didn't live there today and you didn't listen again," says Haymitch._

"_Shut up, Haymitch," She says._

_Haymitch and I crack up and Prim allows herself a smile._

"_Fine. Somebody else can arrange to get the stupid goat knocked up," She says frustrated._

"_What's in the bag?" the female peacekeeper asks sharply._

_Right then the laughter dies down and I try to think up any excuse to put the blame on myself._

"_See for yourself." Katniss says rolling her eyes as the peacekeeper pours the contents of the bag on the table._

"_Oh, good," Mrs. Everdeen says, examining the cloth. "We're running low on bandages. At least you remembered what I told you and got them." She teases Katniss who growls at her and says "Not you too mother."_

_I couldn't help it and laugh, only I'm not the only one whose laughing. I see Haymitch, Prim and even the male peacekeeper laugh._

_I go to the table and open the candy bag. "Ooh, peppermints," I say, popping one into my mouth._

"_They're mine." She says as she makes an attempt to get the bag, only I've already tossed it to Haymitch, who stuffs a fistful of sweets in his mouth before passing the bag to a giggling Prim. "None of you deserves candy!" She says indignantly._

"_What, because we're right?" I wrap my arms around her and hear her give out a yelp of pain which she tries to cover up, but I can see that she's hurt. "Okay, Prim said west. I distinctly heard west. And we're all idiots. How's that?"_

"_Better," She says. She then looks at the Peacekeepers as if she's suddenly remembering they're there. "You have a message for me?"_

"_From Head Peacekeeper Thread," says the woman. "He wanted you to know that the fence surrounding District Twelve will now have electricity twenty-four hours a day."_

"_Didn't it already?" She asks, innocently._

"_He thought you might be interested in passing this information on to your cousin," says the woman._

"_Thank you. I'll tell him. I'm sure we'll all sleep a little more soundly now that security has addressed that lapse."_

_The woman's jaw tightens. None of this has gone as planned, but she has no further orders. She gives Katniss a curt nod and leaves, the man trailing in her wake. When Mrs. Everdeen has locked the door behind them, Katniss slumps against the table._

"_What is it?" I ask her worriedly as I hold her steadily._

"_Oh, I banged up my left foot, the heal and the tail bone's had a bad day." She tells us as I helo her to the rocker I was previously sittting in._

"_How did it happen?" her mother asks as she removes Katniss' shoes._

"_I slipped and fell" we all look at her in disbelief "on some ice." she doesn't say anything else for awhile._

_After a few minutes, her mother tells her that she might have broken her leg and would need to be on bedrest for a few days. Prim helps her change into pajamas while her mother gives her some sleep syrup. Once everythings done I help her up to her room but decide to carry her up halfway because she was stumbling._

"_I thought you changed your mind." I tell her as I tuck her in. She shakes her head_

"_I would have told you." She says. I move to stand up but she grabs my hand._

"_Please stay with me." She begs and I sit down again. She moves my hand and presses it to her cheek. "Always." I reply._

_A few moments pass by before I speak again._

"_Why would you tell me?" I ask her as she pulls me down to lie beside her. I oblige and pull her close as she snuggles into me._

"_Because, your my fiancee." She says._

_Another moment passes and I think she might have fallen asleep already. I stroke her hair when I hear her sigh._

"_Peeta" she says softly._

"_Yes"_

"_I'm glad I'm marrying you." She tells me and for a moment my heart starts beating fast. I can't help what comes out of my mouth next._

"_Why?" I ask_

"_Because I figured it out in the forest. Gale's like this older cousin you can't help but crush on. But I suppose from the moment when you gave me the bread. I've always..." she trails off as she yawns._

"_Always what?" I question._

"_That I've always been in love with you." She finishes as her eyes close and her breathing becomes steady. I can't help the grin that's formed on my face. She's in love with me._

_I know she's not lying because I've come across this Katniss before. One where she knows what she wants, can't lie to you and most importantly and rather disappointingly in this case can't remember what we've talked about afterwards. After awhile, I find myself falling asleep. I had a dream that was neither scary nor traumatic, actually it was the opposite._

_I dreamt that Katniss and I were sitting in the meadow watching two children playing. The children, a boy and a girl were the same age. The little boy had my hair and her eyes while the little girl had her hair and my eyes. I guess they were our kids. I hear someone call to us and I see Gale coming up to us with a heavily pregnant... Madge? They were beaming at us as the kids run up to them and they throw their arms around Gale and Madge. "Aunty! Uncle!" the kids yell._

_I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face and Katniss in my arms and for a moment I think about the dream as a possible future, when Katniss starts to stir._

"_Good morning." I tell her._

"_Morning" She says as she yawns and kisses me. For a moment I'm taken by surprise and I kiss her as well._

"_No nightmares?" I ask as I think about my dream._

"_None." She replies "Actually I had a nice dream last night."_

"_Really?" I ask her extremely curious._

"_Yes, I dreamt the two of us had a toasting. I guess we eloped because only Madge, Gale, Prim, Delly and your brothers were there. Then our parents and Haymitch found out and they were extremely pissed but gave in and my mother told us we could live together as long as we live here." She tells me._

_I grin at her. "Oh and what does that dream tell you about your feelings?"_

_She raises her eyebrow at me and says "Didn't I already tell you last night. I'm completly and hopelessly in love with you Peeta Mellark."_

_I laugh and tell her "I didn't think you'd remember. What about Gale though?"_

"_Don't worry. I told him yesterday. He didn't take it too badly. I think he and Madge have something going on." This time I look at her incredously._

"_Seriously. Well in that case. You'd be happy to know I had a nice dream as well, and I think its connected to your dream."_

"_Oh really. And what pray tell was your dream about."_

"_Hmm, lets see. You and I were in the meadow and we were watching our children play"_

"_Children?" She asks_

"_Yes, children."_

_Immediately she launches into questions_

"_How many? What were they? What did they look like? How old were they? How old were we?" she asks without stopping while I laugh at her._

"_2 kids. Twins. A boy with my hair and your eyes and a girl with your hair and my eyes. They looked like they were five and we looked pretty young." I tell her to answer her questions and I see her break into a warm smile._

"_Gale was there too. He and Madge were married I suppose and she was pregnant." I can tell by the look in her face that she thinks this may be a possibility._

* * *

Blank... next memory

_It was two months after we had started our relationship. I remember we were sitting there in the meadow. We were having a picnic. Me and Katniss, Prim was there talking to Delly, My brothers were given the day off so they came with us, Madge and Gale were there. We were just laughing, talking and generally just enjoying ourselves when Katniss turns to me and frowns._

"_You know what I hate?" She asks and I shake my head. I didn't know what she was talking about because truthfully she hated a lot of things._

"_I hate the fact that the capitol is controlling our wedding. I wish we could just have a simple ceremony. You know like the one in my dream." she says softly as I stare at her. Did she really just imply what I think she just implied._

_I grin at her "Well how about we make that dream a reality." I whisper in her ears as she laughs and nods. I help her stand up and everyone looks at us._

"_How would you guys want to help Katniss and I elope." I announce as they look at us incredelously._

"_What are you two on about?" My eldest brother Makki asks._

"_He means Peeta and I want to do a toasting. I want a wedding without the capitols interference and our parents will never agree so..." Katniss says as the girls shriek and start jumping._

"_Sure why not." My other brother Rye as Gale nods. The girls just squeal and say something about getting Katniss ready and meating us at my house._

_A few hours after that I find myself dressed in a long sleeved shirt and dress pants. The others were in a similar suit as well. We were only waiting for Katniss and the girls to arrive. I knew that I had Katniss all to myself for the whole night and most of tomorrow because her mother was staying with a patient of hers in the seam._

_When the girls finally arrived I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped my lips as I saw her. She was wearing a white dress that reached just below her knees and she had little to no makeup on, her hair wasn't in its usual braids but was let down and curled at the bottom. The other girls didn't look bad themselves. The whole ceremony passed by like a blur and lets just say we spent our wedding night like any newly weds do._

Black... next memory

_We were on the train going back to the capitol for the Quarter Quell. I remember going into Katniss' room when I found her curled up on her bed crying. I immediately rush to her and wrap my arms around her. "Its okay. We'll write letters to them." I tell her soothingly but she just keeps crying._

"_Its not that Peeta." She cries. I look at her in shock. What could it be? I think to myself and as if to answer my question she says_

"_I'm pregnant." She sobs into my shirt. I remember just sitting there in shock as I digest this news. Under any other circumstances I would have been ecstatic but right now... Well, lets just say I'm horrified. Katniss, my Katniss is going back into the Hunger Games. Pregnant. I have to give her a fighting chance then. With that a new determination has overcome me and I tighten my hold on her waist._

"_Are you sure?" I ask her_

_she nods then says "I went to a doctor because they have that whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing going on."_

"_How far off are you?"_

"_A month and a half."_

"_Do you know what we're having."_

_She nods and I wait for her to answer but she doesn't._

"_Well" I ask_

"_Twins. A girl and a boy." she says. Just like in my dream. Suddenly I think there's more to our dreams than we originally thought. She was right about the toasting, our parents finding out, her mother's condition. Me? My dream? Gale and Madge got together, now were having twins. Suddenly, I feel happy. Can the rest of it become true. Was it a glimpse of our future or were we just following a patern and all of this was just a coincidence. Katniss starts crying again and I just hold her, trying to calm her down._

"_Its going to be okay. We'll figure something out." I tell her._

* * *

Black... the next memory takes longer to appear and I find myself wishing it hadn't because this is the point when I break my wedding vows.

_I wake up to find myself in a hospital room, when I sit up I remember the doctors gather at my bed and check up on me. I see Plutarch Heavensbee in my room and a camera crew. Suddenly the doors open and I see Haymitch with a pregnant Katniss and I'm immediately overcome with anger._

_How dare that mutt show her face in front of me. Everything is her fault. The capitol capturing me, my torture. Everything._

_I rush to her and grip her neck. When I looked at her eyes I didn't see fear, anger or the blood lust I expected but shock, hurt and acceptance. The next thing I know I'm consumed by darkness._

Black... Next memory

_I'm talking to Delly about my family's accident when I start yelling at her._

"_DON'T TRUST HER! SHE'S A MUTT. SHE'LL KILL YOU. THIS IS HER FAULT."_

_Delly starts to argue while backing away but I won't listen to her. Finally she's by the door when someone pulls her out. A light turns on and I turn to it and I see a team of doctors, Haymitch and a crying Katniss, Gale with his hand on her shoulder. They were in a room together. I feel my stomach clench because I know I caused those tears but a larger part of me ignores it even when a part of me wants to chase her when she rushes out the room._

* * *

Black... Next Memory

_I'm asleep when I hear three people talking._

"_Your daughter is completely idiotic Capri." I hear Haymitch say, it takes me a moment to realize that Capri is Capri Everdeen, Katniss' mother._

"_I admit what she did was idiotic especially in her case but she is by no means an idiot." She replies softly._

"_I don't get it why would she spare that man's life. Why would she spare those peacekeepers. What's so different between killing them with Beetee's arrows and killing them in that mine." I hear Gale ask._

_Now I know their talking about Katniss, but what are they talking about. Why would Gale kill them in a mine? What did she do?_

"_She probably thought of her father." Mrs. Everdeen said softly._

"_But to run head first into a battlefield to spare the life of one injured man and get herself shot. Honestly, that girl doesn't know how to follow orders. I told her not to do anything rash." Haymitch snarls._

_Katniss was shot? When did that happen? Isn't she seven and a half months pregnant. Oh God._

"_She was lucky though. Katniss could have died if she took one step to the left or she could have lost the babies if she was turned a few inches to the right. Thankfully Cinna remembered to put an armour into her uniform." Mrs. Everdeen said._

* * *

Black... Next Memory

"_Hey" She says_

"_Hey" I reply back looking her up and down. Relieved that she didn't seem to be injured._

"_You wanted to talk to me?" Katniss asked tiredly her arms folded protectively on her eight and a half months pregnant stomach._

"_Look at you, for starters." I start and the next words that leave my mouth come as a shock to me. "Your not very big, or particularly pretty." I say but I know that's a lie she looked beautiful in that satin dress._

_I see a look of hurt cross her eyes before it returns to its tired and worn expression._

"_I know." she says softly and this surprises me._

"_What's this?" I start my voice hostile and dark "is the mockingjay feeling a bit insecure?" I snarl at her._

"_No, just tired. Look, I'll come back tomorrow. I don't feel to good." She says as she turns to leave. I feel scared about her leaving and I blurt out the first thing that comes into my mind._

"_Katniss. I remember about the bread." this stops her._

"_They showed you the tape of me talking about it." she tells me and I look at her in confusion._

"_No. Is there a tape of you talking about it? Why didn't the Capitol use it against me?" I ask her._

"_I made it the day you were rescued." She starts "So what do you remember."_

"_You in the rain." I say softly "digging in our trash bins. Burning the bread. My mother hitting me. Taking the bread out to the pigs but giving it to you instead." I see her nod._

"_That's right. That's what happened." she starts "The next day, after school, I wanted to thank you. But I didn't know how."_

"_We were outside at the end of the day. I tried to catch you eye. You turned away... and for some reason you picked up a dandelion... I think." I see her nod. "Why did you do it?"_

"_Do what?" she asks_

"_Pick up the dandelion?"_

"_The same reason I called you my dandelion. Dandelions are the first flowers to bloom in the spring. It symbolizes a new beginning which you gave me when you gave me that bread. You saved my life and that day outside the school when I turned away I saw the dandelion and I remembered it was edible so I picked it up and ran to the meadow. We made a salad that night and that was when I remembered I could hunt." She tells me._

_I pause for awhile trying to digest it._

"_I must have loved you a lot." I tell her._

"_You did." I notice her voice catch and try to shrug it off._

"_And did you love me?" I ask her_

"_I do. That's why Snow had you tortured, to break me."_

"_Then why did you drop that tracker jacker hive on me. It seemed like you were trying to kill me."_

"_I was." She confesses and this confuses me "I was trying to kill all of you. You had me treed."_

"_Later, there was a lot of kissing. It didn't seem genuine on your part. Did you like kissing me." I ask her._

"_Sometimes," she starts "When both of us are coherent."_

"_And what about Gale?" I can see I hit a sore spot for her._

"_What about him?" she asked angrily_

"_I thought the two of you were a couple." she looked outraged by this._

"_We are not. His girlfriend is, was Madge. That's why he's furious at the Capitol. She died trying to evacuate the citizens of District 12. The towns people, she died trying to get you family out." She screams at me and suddenly I feel bad about what I said. I didn't know Madge died trying to save my family. She left the room immediately. Two weeks later she gave birth to Madeline Anne Everdeen-Mellark and Patrick Rye Everdeen-Mellark._

* * *

The flashbacks end and I return to reality to see Katniss being dragged away by the guards as she screams for Gale to kill her. I turn immediately searching for him, trying to make sure he doesn't do it but I find him frozen in shock, beside him was Delly, her little brother Perry, Johanna, Annie, Beetee and Mrs. Everdeen holding our children. The children I've never been allowed to hold because they were afraid of what I would do. Truthfully, I was afraid of what I'd do myself.

My attention returns to Katniss who has just kicked one of the guards and bitten the other. Both of them impulsively let go of her as she manages to get a knife from one of their belts. It happens too fast and I was too far away that I couldn't make it in time when she plunges the knife into her abdomen. By the time I've reached her she's already pulled the knife out and cut her wrist. I didn't know what to do and everything was in chaos. I knew no one would be able to make it in time to save her.

"Let me go." she says again this time softly as I cry and I repeat my former words "I can't." Her mother is beside us immediately. Behind her I see Delly and Johanna holding their godchildren. I know she preferred Madge as the godmother rather than Johanna but she came second. I suppose.

* * *

The next thing I know I'm in the ICU again holding on to Katniss' hand begging her to wake up. Even though I know its useless. The doctors said that since Katniss hadn't healed from any of her previous injuries yet she would only have a ten percent chance of survival. And all I can think of is Why? Why did she kill Coin? Why did she try to take her own life? Why didn't she think of her mother, of Madeline and Patrick, of Me? What would I do if I lose her?

I hear the door open and see Haymitch. He's holding a disc and he quietly inserts it into the player.

"I think you should see this." He says as I turn to the screen.

**The screen is black at first then it shows an image of a greenhouse full of roses and I see snow in there. I watch as the doors open and Katniss enters. She doesn't seem to notice him as she heads straight for a white rose seemingly mesmerized. I know this because she jumps when she hears him speak.**

"**That's a nice one." He starts "all the colours are lovely of course but nothing says perfection but white."**

**Katniss doesn't say anything of course she wouldn't.**

"**I was hoping you'd find your way into my quarters." Snow says.**

"**..."**

"**There are so many things we should discuss, but I feel your visit will be brief. So first thing first" Snow pauses as he coughs into his handkerchief. When he pulls it away it was red, stained with blood. "I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about your sister."**

**Again only silence greets his words.**

"**So wasteful, so unnecessary. Anyone could see the game was over by that point. In fact I was just about to issue an official surrender when they released the parachutes." he pauses.**

**Katniss I could tell was confused by this point, just as I am. I loosen my grip on her finger.**

"**Well you really didn't think I gave the order, did you? Forget the obvious fact that if I'd had a working hovercraft at my disposal, I'd have been using it to make an escape. But, that aside, what purpose could it have served? We both know I'm not above killing children, but I'm not wasteful. I take life for very specific reasons. And there was no reason for me to take the lives of a pen full of Capitol children. None at all."**

**He's lying, he has to be. I think to myself because the only other answer to the question of who could have sent those parachutes would be us. The Rebels.**

"**However, I must concede it was a maserful move on Coin's part. The idea that I was bombing our own helpless children instantly snapped the frail allegiance my people still felt for me. There was no real resistance after that. Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand there. And in the parachutes. Well, its that sort of thing you look for in a Head Game Maker, isn't it." He pauses again as he dabs the hanndkerchief on the corners of his mouth. "I'm sure he wasn't gunning for your sister, but these things happen."**

_Now all I can feel is dread and anger. If Katniss found out about this then it could account for the momentary insanity. It makes me sick as I think about the fact that the Rebels not only killed innocent children but some of their own, worst still Prim._

"**My failure" says Snow "was being so slow to grasp Coin's plan. To let the Capitol and the districts destroy each other and then step in to take the power with Thirteen barely scratched. Make no mistakes, she was planning to take my place right from the beginning. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it was Thirteen that started the rebellion that led to the Dark Days, and abandoned the rest of the districts when the tide turned against it. But I wasn't watching Coin, I was watching you, Mockingjay. And you were watching me. I'm afraid we've both been played for fools."**

"**I don't believe you." Katniss speaks for the first time since she woke up.**

**Snow shakes his head "Oh, Ms. Everdeen. I thought we agreed not to lie to each other. Besides if I were you I'd be worried about yourself and your loved ones particularly your children. After all, Coin no longer needs a mockingjay who disobeys orders and is an immediate threat to her rule."**

**Katniss raises her eyebrow "That was the same thing Boggs told me. I had the power to put anyone I wanted into the presidential seat and if my immediate answer wasn't her then I'm dead." With that she turns to leave as the screen goes black.**

Immediately, I'm back in the hospital room gripping Katniss' hand, only this time, I know what led to her decision. Haymitch holds out an envelope for me.

"I didn't know what she was planning but she asked me to give this to you just in case." Haymitch says as I grab the letter. He stands up from his seat and turns to leave when he stops and addresses me one final time.

"Its amazing how quickly the venom left you when you saw her reach for the nightlock." with that he was out the door. I open the letter and immediately begin to read.

_Peeta,_

_Promise me you'll take care of my mother and the twins. They'll need you more than ever if I do succeed in my plans. What ever you do don't try to save me. Let the violent legacy which stains Panem's history end with the last Everdeen heir._

_My mother isn't an Everdeen heir because she wasn't born an Everdeen, Prim's dead so she's already ruled out and Madeline and Patrick, they were born into the Mellark bloodline. Everything that's happened in Panem. Everything that stained it was because of the Everdeens._

_My ancestor Carlos Everdeen had brought up the idea of Panem. Its name, the structure and had even funded the rebuilding of the nation._

_His descendant Maverick Everdeen, another ancestor of mine lived in district Thirteen. He started the rebellion that led to the Dark Days. He saw it unjust that the Capitol hardly did anything, so he rallied the men and convinced the to rebel. When Thirteen was about to abandon the rest of the districts he moved to Twelve and passed on secrets from the time before the Great War and the Natural Disasters._

_Generations later there was my father, Petrarch Everdeen, he started the talks of a rebellion in the mine. He was Haymitch's bestfriend. The Capitol found out and they orchestrated the explosion that killed Gale's father. He told me our history before he died and it scared me._

_Finally there was me, Katniss Everdeen. The mockingjay, the girl-on-fire who started a rebellion by pulling out poisoned berries. So many people died for me, so many people died because of me. My little sister included. So please let me go, move on and take care of them._

_Remember, that I will always love you my Dandelion, my boy with the bread. You gave me hope and you saved me in my worst times, and you made me feel safe in the most dangerous circumstances._

_I love you forever,_

_Katniss_

I cry as I finish reading the letter. Katniss isn't an Everdeen anymore. Why couldn't she see that. She was a Mellark has been since the night of our toasting. I grab her hand "Please wake up. For your mother, for Madeline and Patrick, for me." I whisper. I wait for awhile for a response and cry harder when none comes, I drop my head onto the bed. Suddenly I feel her squeeze my hand and I look up to see her waking up. I hold my breath but can't stop the tears that continue to fall.

"Peeta, what's wrong? Are you okay?" She asks me and I laugh at the irony because she's the one who was on the hospital bed.

I hug her and say "I'm fine. Better than that. I'm perfect."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Hunger Games because if I did Finnick would still be alive.

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you now, I like the first chapter better.

* * *

I'm drifting in the darkness. Sometimes I hear voices calling to me, but they sound so sad. The voices, I know them, I know I do. They beg me to wake up, to come back. They tell me I can't leave them, they tell me to open my eyes, to give a sign that I'll awake soon. It hurts my heart, I want to be with them but I know that I would get hurt even more. As each voice comes and goes only one remains, he holds my hand and it's his voice that makes me want to wake up. I struggle to do as he asks, to wake up. I want to, for his sake, but I can't. I feel so tired. One day though, something happens.

_Don't stand at my grave and weep_  
_I am not there, I do not sleep_  
_I am the sunlight on the ripened grain_  
_I am the gentle autumn rain_

_I am a thousand winds_  
_I am a thousand winds that blow_  
_I am the diamond glint on snow_  
_I am a thousand winds that blow_

_Don't stand at my grave and cry_  
_I am not there, I did not die_  
_I am the swift rush of birds in flight_  
_Soft stars that shine at night_

_I am a thousand winds_  
_I am a thousand winds that blow_  
_I am the diamond glint on snow_  
_I am a thousand winds that blow_

_Don't stand at my grave and weep_  
_I am not there, I do not sleep_  
_I am the sunlight on the ripened grain_  
_I am the gentle autumn rain_

_I am a thousand winds_  
_I am a thousand winds that blow  
__I am the diamond glint on snow  
__I am a thousand winds that blow_

_I am the diamond glint on snow_  
_I am a thousand winds that blow_

_I hear a woman singing and the song just makes me want to cry. Her voice is so beautiful and the song has such a deep meaning. I think about what I had done and how I don't want anyone to cry for me because I don't deserve it, not after everything that's happened. I think about my death and how I want to tell everyone I'm not really going to leave them. As the last note fills the air I can't help but call out, I've been alone here for far too long._

_"Who's there?" I ask_

_"Oh, Hello there." A woman's voice calls to me, her voice I notice is soft and full of warmth, just like when she sang._

_"Hello!" I call back loudly trying to find her. Its too dark to see anyone. I can barely see myself. I see something move in the darkness and finally see a woman step out of it._

_"I'm Saffron." the woman says, I notice she is dressed in a green dress that highlights her body, her face is youthful and kind if not a bit haughty, has a mischievous smile on her face. Her eyes are the color of emeralds and her hair a mixture of the different shades of red. On her neck is a gold chain with an oval shaped locket made of white gold with an emerald in the middle surrounded by diamonds, with it was a ring, no correction an engagement ring. On her hand was a candle with its flame burning bright. She looks so beautiful. The name doesn't register to me, all I know is that it sounds familiar._

_"I'm Katniss" I tell her though I can tell she already knows who I am by the way she laughs._

_"I know" she starts "I have something to show you." she says as she holds out her hand to me, the moment I touch it l feel myself being lifted from the floor. The moment it stops I'm all alone._

* * *

_I'm back in district Twelve and I'm walking with my parents each holding my hand. I remember this day, its the first day of school and I'm five years old. I'm excited about seeing Madge again, she's my best friend mostly due to the fact that my mother used to be from the town before she married my father, and her best friend was Mrs. Undersee, Madge's mother._

_I'm walking up the street, my father and my mother are talking about something, I don't bother to pay attention. I see the school and my heart starts pounding. 'What if I don't make any friends?' I think but I shake it away immediately. Even if I didn't make any friends I'd still have Madge. We stop walking when we reach the school's courtyard and I look around a smile on my face, I notice a boy looking at me and I smile in his direction, he turns away immediately and I look at him closely, he's obviously from the town by the way he looks. He has blonde hair and blue eyes, I notice that only his father is with him. I frown, why isn't his mother with him? I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear Madge call my name._

* * *

The memory fades and suddenly I'm thrown back into the darkness, however, just as fast as the darkness came it is replaced by another memory...

_I'm eleven years old and I'm in the forest. I remember this day well because this is the last time I would go here with my father. He takes me to our spot and sits me down on a rock. I can tell this is serious so I keep my mouth shut and listen to what he says with rapt attention._

_"Katniss" my father addresses me, everything from the tone of his voice to his posture tells me that this is a serious and possibly life changing matter. "I brought you here because I think it is time for you to know about our family history..."_

_His words fascinate me, we have a family history. I always assumed that we were like everyone else in the Seam, a miners family. But, apparently not only does our family have a history but it can be traced back to the time before and between the Great War, the Fall of North America and the Creation of Panem._

_"The first time the Everdeen family was considered note worthy was before the Great War. Our ancestor Antone Everdeen had been a man of high morals, he was a rich man who made his fortune in the farming industry. He had one son his heir Carlos Everdeen who at the early age of eighteen joined the army and had quickly made his way up the ranks to become the Secretary of Defense. By the time the Great War had started he had already organized a powerful military force. You could say that America was a force to be reckoned with. After the war, North America was relatively unscathed, most of the damage had been done by Mother Nature." His words made me look at him in doubt._

_"That's not what it said in our history books." I tell him and watch as he shakes his head._

_"No, it isn't. In your books there is only a small portion on it that states the truth, Katniss. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. When the war had ended, Carlos Everdeen was in his forties, and had already been promoted to the position of Speaker of the House. Peace was returning within the country, our vast lands were hardly touched so our fortune had remained intact. One day, he heard that his wife had fallen ill, she was, what people would call fragile. Her immune system was weak and even the slightest cold could turn deadly. Anyway, he had asked for a leave from the President to attend to his wife's needs, the President of course consented. A few days later he was given an extended leave because his wife, your ancestor Allanis Everdeen had died. During his leave, the country was struck by a great earthquake which killed the President and Vice President and left most of the country in ruins, this Katniss, is the fall of North America. Now, he had a decision to make, would he step up and claim the seat of power or resign and let someone else lead this fallen country." My father stopped here as if to give a dramatic effect._

_"What happened?" I questioned him eagerly and he laughed._

_"He took the position, naturally. He used the family fortune to rebuild the country, he used the food harvested from his lands to feed his people, this won him the hearts and loyalty of the citizens, drew up laws to guide them, put the most trustworthy people into government positions, separated us into districts by our talents to make it easier for the economy to return, he created schools and gathered the greatest minds to teach in every district because he believed that education is a right which everyone should have, finally he named the country Panem after the saying Panem et Circenses or bread and circuses, for he knew this type of government would only be temporary. There would come a time when we will have to change, however, he thought that it was what the country needed. He died when the country was near completion, he left instructions, though, to his successor Marina Mellark."_

_"Marina Mellark? As in the bakers family?" I cocked my head to the side as I thought. My father just smiled at me._

_"Yes, her maiden name was Mendoza, she was a close family friend of the Carlos Everdeen's son, actually she was the one who introduced him to his wife. Now then, our story picks up two hundred years later in district Thirteen. The Everdeen Heir was Maverick Everdeen, he was a hardworking man in his early twenties who detested the current government. His bestfriend had been killed by peacekeepers from the Capitol because he had taken some medicine from the store to give to his pregnant wife. The peacekeepers saw it as theft but in reality the apothecary had given it to him to help his wife's sickness. They executed him and disposed of the medicine. Now, the medicine was the last one of the year since the shipment of the herbs didn't come until the next year and without it, Maverick couldn't help his late bestfriend's wife. She died in her sleep one winter's night. This had in all actuality been the last straw for him. Since the woman, was his little sister. After that, he gathered the people of Thirteen and got them to rebel, it worked, and soon enough word spread to other districts. When the tide turned against them, Thirteen had seized the nuclear weapons factory and threatened the Capitol. The Capitol had agreed to leave them alone, as long as Thirteen abandoned the rebellion. Maverick, who saw what was about to happen couldn't live with the fact that he had brought on something horrible upon all the districts, left Thirteen and settled here, in Twelve." My father finished the story with me as confused as ever._

_"But, Thirteen is already destroyed isn't it?" I asked him_

_"No, it isn't. They evacuated the city above ground and now live in an underground bunker created during the Great War."_

_"Why are you telling me this?"_

_"Because, you are nearly twelve years old. When the time comes either I or you would have to tell Prim the story of our family. After all, the two of you are my Everdeen Heirs." I felt fear spread in my heart as I heard these words. Everdeen Heir, the title that follows my family around ensuring that wherever you go a river of blood shall follow._

_"Why would I be the one to tell Prim?" I question him,_

_"Because, there is an air of unrest between the districts."_

_"Unrest?"_

_"Yes. Do you remember the songs I would sing to you, the ones no one knew?" my father's question took me by surprise._

_"Of course." I tell him proudly_

_"I learned that from my bestfriend's late fiancée. She was the reason I met your mother. She advised me to sell the herbs to her." He told me sadly. _

_"Isn't your bestfriend the drunk victor Haymitch Abernathy?" I question him in disgust. As he shakes his head and sighs_

_"He wasn't always a drunk. There was a time he was as happy as I am. That ended when the Capitol had his family and his fiancée killed. After that, well, we weren't able to keep a Head Peacekeeper for long. Every time they or the other peacekeepers hurt us, well, something bad always happens and we get a new one." He told me as he stood up and held his hand out to me. When I looked at it I saw a chain with a golden ring, it had the symbol of an unrecognizable bird flying out of a book engraved into it, the band was filled with sapphire and emeralds._

_"This is a symbol of the Everdeen Heir. There are others who have a ring similar to it, the stones signify you as the head of the Everdeen Clan, the symbol is that of an ancient society. The bird is a Phoenix, a bird which symbolizes rebirth, its tears were said to heal physical injuries while its song could heal the mind and soul. The book symbolizes enlightenment and truth. Together it forms the symbol of the Light Masons." He tells me seriously though I can tell there was more to it than that._

_"Does mommy know about this?" I ask as I continue staring at the ring in his hand_

_"No she doesn't." He tells me_

_"Its pretty daddy." I tell him as I accept the chain and place it on my neck._

_"If you ever need any information, go to the ruined cottage I took you to. Everything you need to know is in there. You just have to find it." There he's done it again. His words have returned the fear that I have felt moments before._

_"Why are you telling me this?" I ask him in despair_

_"Because... Because I have a feeling something bad would happen to me. And our history must not be forgotten." He tells me and as usual he's correct. Because not a week after that conversation, an explosion from the mine shook the town and I knew immediately, even without going to the mines to see the survivors, that my father was dead._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I'm fifteen years old and I'm sitting in the stands of the school's gymnasium. Madge is at my side and we're watching the wrestling team compete against each other. Gale isn't with us because he thinks that watching people compete against each other is a waste of time, not to mention a luxury only the people from the town could afford since they didn't have to help their families. This led to a huge fight between Madge and him, in the end he stormed out after I took Madge's side._

_I remember watching the fight with interest because the two competitors of this final round were siblings Rye Mellark and Peeta Mellark, I don't really know them, actually I only know them because the latter saved my life and by extension my family's life when I was twelve because he gave me two loaves of bread and risked a beating for me, even if he didn't know me. Sometimes though, I catch him staring at me in the hallway and I don't know why but it makes my heart flutter._

_I watch amused as Madge the quiet, well mannered girl, that is if you aren't close to her, starts cheering and sometimes screaming profanities along with the entire crowd. Madge is the only one who knows the story behind the bread, after all she is my oldest friend. She was the one who suggested I go to this match along with the others to 'show my support' to Peeta. Somehow, I think she's trying to play match maker, again._

* * *

Black... next memory

_I'm seventeen years old and I'm in the forest. I ran here despite the consequences of disobeying the New Head Peacekeeper might invoke upon me. I remember this day because it is the day I realize the impact that the mockingjay has. That day I ran away from the house after the wedding dresses arrived. I was more confused on who I truly loved Gale or Peeta._

_I remember walking in the forest when I hear a twig snap behind me. Automatically, I raise my bow, an arrow already in place, ready to fire at a moments notice. I turn around to face my enemy, two female peacekeepers with guns in their hands._

_"Stop!" One of them cries dropping the gun and raising her gloved hand to show me a cracker with my mockingjay stamped in the middle._

_"What is it? What does it mean?" I ask them harshly._

_"It means we're on your side." the smaller one said. I can see the clothes are too big for her and she's probably twisted her ankle._

_She's dressed in an ill-fitting Peacekeeper's uniform complete with the white fur cloak, but it's several sizes too large for her slight frame. Her hands are occupied with steadying a rough crutch made from a broken branch. The toe of her right boot can't clear the snow, hence the dragging._

_I examine the girl's face, which is bright red from the cold. Her teeth are crooked and there's a strawberry birthmark over one of her chocolate brown eyes. This is no Peacekeeper. No citizen of the Capitol, either._

_"Who are you?" I ask warily but less belligerently._

_"My name's Twill," The older woman says, she's probably in her thirties. _

_"And this is Bonnie. We've run away from District Eight."_

_District 8! Then they must know about the uprising!_

_"Where'd you get the uniforms?" I ask._

_"I stole them from the factory," says Bonnie. "We make them there. Only I thought this one would be for ... for someone else. That's why it fits so poorly."_

_"The gun came from a dead Peacekeeper," says Twill, following my eyes._

_"That cracker in your hand. With the bird. What's that about?" I ask._

_"Don't you know, Katniss?" Bonnie appears genuinely surprised._

_They recognize me. Of course they recognize me. My face is uncovered and I'm standing here outside of District 12 pointing an arrow at them. Who else would I be? "I know it matches the pin I wore in the arena."_

_"She doesn't know," says Bonnie softly. "Maybe not about any of it."_

_Suddenly I feel the need to appear on top of things. "I know you had an uprising in Eight."_

_"Yes, that's why we had to get out," says Twill._

_"Well, you're good and out now. What are you going to do?" I ask._

_"We're headed for District Thirteen," Twill replies._

_"How'd you know Thirteen was still alive?" I question them, now I'm extremely curious. I look at our surroundings and find that we're close to the lake, the secret spot I shared with my father. The cottage isn't that far away. It wasn't really ruined, it just appeared that way._

_"In the video. They use the same video and you can see a mockingjay fly on the exact same spot." Bonnie tells me._

_"Hold on... You mean you KNOW Thirteen's still alive?" Twill questions. I nod._

_"My father told me about it when I was little. So you mean to tell me you know about it because of some video." This time they both nod. I sigh._

_"Come on. We're not to far away from my father's spot. I'll teach you how to hunt on the way there." I tell them as they follow me._

_It takes longer to reach the cottage than usual because of Bonnie's ankle. On the way I teach them how to shoot an arrow, Yes, they found some of the weapons my father hid in the forest. It turns out Twill is good at using a bow even if it is her first time, Bonnie's good at snares and I teach them the different herbs they can and can't eat. During the brief pause in the lessons they tell me about the rebellion in district eight._

_When we reach the cottage, I light the fire and bring out the tea set I left here when Gale was whipped. I suddenly remembered that District eight wasn't known as a food industry. In fact there wasn't even a blade of grass._

_"Out of food?" I ask them. Bonnie nods while Twill frowns._

_"We took what we could" Twill starts "but foods been so scarce, there was hardly any we could take." she finishes. I smile and pull out my game bag._

_"Well, today's your lucky day." I tell them._

_From the bag I pull two fresh buns with a layer of cheese baked into the top. We always seem to have a supply of these since Peeta found out they were my favorite. I toss one to Twill but cross over and place the other on Bonnie's lap since her hand-eye coordination seems a little questionable at the moment and I don't want the thing ending up in the fire__._

_"Oh," says Bonnie. "Oh, is this all for me?"_

_Something inside me twists as I remember another voice. Rue. In the arena. When I gave her the leg of groosling. "Oh, I've never had a whole leg to myself before." The disbelief of the chronically hungry._

_"Yeah, eat up." I say. I hear the tea pot shriek and instantly know the tea's done. As I serve them tea I see them huddle together._

_"So, what's your story?" I ask as the two launch into their tale._

_Apparently district eight had always been discontented with how the Capitol handled things. However, there was a difference between talk and action. The day of the victory tour it was actually them practicing their placement. The night of the engagement was when everything started. It was mandatory viewing so everyone had an excuse to be out in the streets together. Twill was a teacher and Bonnie had been her student who was tasked with getting a uniform for Twill and her husband who were apparently supposed to go to other districts and spread the word. However, on the day they were supposed to leave the Capitol bombed the textile factory killing Twill's husband and Bonnie's family. The two had been at Twill's house, apparently they were late for their shift. Once they heard the explosion they immediately changed into the uniforms and ran._

_As I sat there digesting the news, I thought of a problem in their plans. 'How were they going to get to district Thirteen?' I suddenly remembered my father's words. Everything you need to know is in there, you just have to find it. Is it possible? Perhaps, there was a map to Thirteen somewhere in this tiny cottage. I immediately stood up and started feeling the walls. They were all cement, if it isn't that, then perhaps it was the floor. I realized how crazy I must have looked to Bonnie and Twill by the look they gave me. I didn't pay any heed to it, though. I stepped on a loose board and it along with a large square clump sprang up._

_That's it! I thought happily. I looked at what was under it. Underneath the dusty wooden floor was a metal panel with a handle. I tried to pull it up again and again, the two even tried to help me, but nothing happened. I was just about to give up when I saw something like a lock, only instead of the traditional key it needed something that looked like a ring. A RING of course! I could have hit my head at that moment as I pulled out the heir's ring and placed it in the lock. When it fit I couldn't help but smile. My dad's last gift my just help these two survive. As soon as I turned it I heard what must have been a large lock, well, unlock. As soon as I removed the ring, the panel sprang up to reveal a well lit staircase._

_Cautiously, I motioned the two to follow me as I headed down the stairs. Once we were all in the panel closed and since the only other way out was down, well, that's where we went. Surprisingly, the room below had no trace of dust. We walk for awhile until we come across a door with writings on it. "Welcome to the Archives. Where a copy of every book, movie, show or periodical ever made has been collected from the numerous Libraries that once stood tall on the streets of the United States of America. Behind these doors is over two thousand years of history from the time before the Great War and the time of the rebuilding.- Carlos Everdeen"_

_'Ahh, there's the dust.' I think as a storm of dust attacks us the moment I open the door. I look at the room in amazement. On the left was rows upon rows of books, in the middle was a set of study tables, behind it a map of what must have been the world before the war, to the right was a set of comfy looking couches, a huge screen and rows of discs set in place. I approach the study tables first because I see somethings piled on to it. I think it may be maps and right now we need it._

_I notice that Bonnie and Twill are no longer behind me but are now going around the room with childlike wonder. Well, Twill is, Bonnie is sitting on the couch. I take this time to collect my thoughts. I already know who I am in love with, the only problem is how I tell Gale that it isn't him. Although, I suspect he wouldn't be too heart broken. I smile as I think of Madge, who was hopelessly in love with him and had even begged her mother for some morphling for him. I think of Gale and how he seems to have recently become overly moody when the subject of Madge was brought up._

_As I continue my search I think of my father and how right he had been. Under the cottage was the largest collection of history books in all of Panem. Everything I needed to know was in here. Finally, I find a copy of the map for Panem. I notice there are numerous maps and silently thank my ancestor for that. Should the need ever arise and the citizens of Twelve need to evacuate they can go here and find what they need.  
_

_"I found a map to Thirteen. Let's go." I tell the two who nod and silently follow me out. Shutting the door behind me. Once we reach the top of the stairs I remember that the panel closed once we entered. However, I found that I needn't have worried about it because as soon as I touched the panel it sprung open. Once the two were out, I made it a point to lock it properly._

_"Well, I suppose this is where we part ways." I tell them as I hand them the map. Bonnie immediately breaks down and the two hug me. I hug them back and see them out of the cottage. Once I could no longer see them I turned around and returned to the fence only to find it humming with electricity. I remember my only thought was "Oh Damn."_

* * *

Black... Next memory

_The feel of Peeta's warm arms as I fall asleep is what engulfs me next. For a moment I see darkness before I see Saffron again. She's smiling at me and points to the mirror. The moment I look at it I feel my self falling. I remember the smell of bread as I look at the scene before me. Its my toasting. I see Madge and Gale sitting beside each other, Prim and Delly are sitting on Madge's right with Rye and Makki at Gales left. Peeta and I are at the head of the table exchanging our vows in front of our witnesses before toasting the bread and baking it. The moment we feed it to each other we kiss and I hear the others cheer. The scene flashes and I'm sitting in my living room, Prim, Makki and Rye are on one of the couches, me and Peeta are sitting on a love seat, our parents and Haymitch all look livid. Their yelling at us and after we exchange a few words I hear my mother sigh and say something. I feel myself immediately relax. I remember this, its my dream._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I've just finished survived being attacked by three overly romantic girls who I made the mistake to ask for help on getting me ready for what I've deemed the most important day of my life. My mother isn't going to know about this because she'd kill me if she finds out. Luckily, my mother won't be coming home tonight and would be gone most of the day tomorrow. This gives me and Peeta enough time to act like newly weds as much as we want.  
_

_I gasp when I see my reflection in my bedroom mirror. The dress came from Delly, it was of course, white, but it had a black lace on the bottom, which might I add only reached slightly below my knees. Madge had my hair down and curled at the bottom to frame my face, she and Delly ganged up on me when they put my make up on. Thankfully it wasn't as heavy as what my prep team would've done in this occasion. Prim found a nice pair of flat closed shoes that matched my dress. When they were done they instructed me to close my eyes as Delly placed a see through white cloth on my head and Madge pinned it with some of the diamond studded white hair pins Cinna gave me during the Victory Tour. When I opened my eyes I noticed the cloth on my head was actually a veil. Through my reflection, I noticed that I looked exactly like I did in my dream, actually the others did as well. Prim came up to me and gave me a bouqet of Primroses, Lavenders, and Dahlias she knew they were my favorite.  
_

_They smiled at me as they admired their handy work. "Ready?" Prim asks me and I just nod. I can't help feeling nervous about this. What if I messed up when I was saying my vows? Stop it. I tell myself. If I do, it won't matter. So they'll laugh its not like Peeta would stop loving you because of that. With that done I force my feet to move and while I walk I can't help the smile that spreads on my face nor the blush. In an hour I would no longer be Katniss Everdeen, I would be Katniss Mellark, well, not legally but who cares.__When we reach Peeta's house none of us bother to knock but they do tell me to stay behind them for the great reveal._

_I can't help but drop my mouth in shock when I see Peeta, he looks gorgeous. He isn't wearing a traditional tuxedo, but this whole thing isn't exactly traditional or legal, he's wearing a black long sleeved and black dress pants. I see the others wearing something similar as well. I laugh softly as I see Peeta trying to get a glimpse of me, but can't because of the three girls blocking me from view.  
_

_"Well Peeta Mellark are you ready to see your blushing bride?" Madge asks him teasingly as Peeta nods eagerly._

_"Well then Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. To signify her as a pure, I mean it, extremely pure and untainted, bride." Delly adds as Peeta blushes and the other boys laugh._

_"You can come out now Katniss." Prim tells me.  
_

_I smile as I hear Peeta gasp when he sees me. I see Makki nudge him and hear Rye say "She's a beauty. Your a lucky one Peeta." But it isn't this that catches my eye. Its the significant look Peeta and Gale share. When I reach Peeta, I look him in the eye._

_"What was that?" I ask him as I accept the kiss from him._

_"What was what?" He asks genuinely confused._

_"That look you and Gale shared." I tell him and he laughs._

_"Oh, that. Well, in the absence of your father he has decided to take the role of the Father/Older Brother and future Son-in-law/Brother-in-law speech. You know, the traditional hurt her and I won't rest until I kill you and have your head hanging on my wall speech." He tells me. I roll my eyes at that. Typical overprotective Gale._

_With that he leads me to the table where the others have already gathered. He takes the bread first and says the traditional vows._

_"On this day, in front of our friends and family and with God as our witness, I swear upon my body and soul to always love you with every fiber of my being. I promise to stay faithfully to you forever and in the event that I should stray may God smite me. I pledge to protect you from any and all dangers, to keep you out of harms way even if it is by my doing. I vow to take care of you when you are sick and to cherish whatever children we have, to treat them as the treasures they are." With that he toasts the bread and feeds it to me. I do the same and after I've finished saying my vows and have already fed my bread to Peeta, we kiss. I hear everyone cheer and congratulate us._

* * *

Black... Next memory_  
_

_I'm sitting on a love seat beside Peeta, on the couch beside us Prim, Makki and Rye sit together looking down as Peeta's Parents, My mother and Haymitch all scold us after they discovered our secret marriage. Peeta's witch of a mother is screeching profanities at us, while his father, looks, well lets just say I can tell he has mixed emotions, though I must comend him on his pokerface. My mother is shaking with fury and Haymitch, drunk as always still manages to look disapproving.  
_

_Finally after what seemed like hours, my mother-in-law, Esther has finished her rant and Peeta's father has taken over.  
_

_"Why did you do it?" He questions us, his tone only slightly above irritated._

_"Because, we wanted something that was ours." I answer blankly, the adults all look at us with raised eyebrows._

_"Ours, as in, something we decided on our own. Something that wasn't the Capitol's design, something we didn't have to do because there were cameras directed at us." Peeta tells them. It has the immediate effect. My mother-in-law's face softens immediately, my father-in-law, Tristan, looks at us sadly, Haymitch closes his eyes and my mother just sighs.  
_

_"Alright" She says as the Mellarks particularly Esther looks at her in shock._

_"Your not giving in are you, Capri?" She asks_

_"Yes, I am. Let them have their fun. After all..." My mother didn't finish the sentence. She didn't need to. We all know it means that with the Quarter Quell fast approaching we at least deserve some happiness._

_"Fine. We consent to this marraige." Tristan says as his wife just nods._

_"As unwilling as I am. I consent to this idiot's marraige to my goddaughter." Haymitch says as we all look at him in shock._

_"You're my WHAT?" I ask_

_"Godfather. In case you've forgotten I was your father's bestfriend. Who do you think gave you that red dress you wore on your first day of school?" He tells me._

_"Wait, if your my Godfather than who's me Godmother?" I ask_

_"Who else, but, Darla Undersee." My mother said_

_"Okay, then..." Peeta says_

_"Right, I do have a few rules. First the two of you have to live in this house." My mother says_

* * *

Black... Next memory

_It's the morning of the reaping and I'm sitting in the dining room table with my mother, Prim, Peeta and surprisingly Haymitch. The meal is subdued and there's a thick silence thats hanging over us, each of us, afraid to break the silence. I remember this because it's one of the worst days of my life, yesterday, Delly and Madge had taken me to the doctor because I've been feeling ill. I didn't go to my mother because she already had so much to worry about. Yesterday, I found out I was pregnant... with twins._

_I sigh and put down my fork. Everyone looks at me since I'm the first to break this silence. I think of the instructions I gave them last year and think about simply reminding them when I remember my father's words, the archive under Twelve, our family history and how I haven't told Prim about any of it. I decide to give her the ring instead and tell her about what do to get down to the archive, however, I won't tell her what's in there. The Capitol may be listening after all._

_"Prim, if anything happens. Any emergency comes up and you all need to run" I start as I reach for the chain on my neck. "I want you to have this." I tell her as I remove the chain and ring and hand it to her._

_"Katniss, this is so pretty. Where did you get this?" Prim asks me_

_"Dad gave it to me before he died. Listen, in the forest, there's a lake there with a lush wildlife and some herbs. Go there if anything happens." I tell her_

_"Katniss, relax nothings going to happen." My mother tells me, I think she's worried about my mental health. I, however, choose to ignore her._

_"There's a ruined cottage there, look for a set of loose flooring and pull it up, use the necklace as a key and get down there. Everything you need to know will be there." I tell her urgently._

_"Okay, I will." she tells me_

_"Promise?" my voice takes a pleading tone_

_"I promise" she assures me_

* * *

Black... Next memory

_The prep team has just finished with me and I'm standing in front of the mirror naked, waiting for Cinna to arrive. While I wait for him, I have an internal debate on whether or not I should tell him about the baby, and, if I do, how? I'm buried so deep in my thoughts that I don't see Cinna come in. He coughs and I jump, startled. I see him smiling at me and instantly I feel relieved, if there's anyone I can count on with this secret, anyone I can trust, its him. I remember this moment well because this is the moment I sealed Cinna's fate._

_"Put your robes back on, let's eat first." He tells me. I nod because as soon as I thought about food, I'm suddenly famished._

_We eat in silence for awhile before I decide to tell him. I stand up and sit beside him._

_"I have a secret that you have to promise not to tell anyone." I tell him as he looks at me in shock._

_"What is it?" he asks but instead of answering him I grab one of his hands and place it on the spot where I know my babies are growing. It takes him a full minute to process it, and when he does, his eyes grow serious._

_"Are you sure" he asks me and I just nod_

_"Who's?" I just raise my eyebrow at him and he immediately get's the message. It's Peeta's_

_"Does he know?" he asks, I nod_

_"How far along are you?" I smile grimly_

_"A month and a half." I tell him_

_"Do you know what you're having." this question makes me hesitate. How will he react. I just settle for nodding, I hope he takes the hint that I don't want to answer it._

_"Well" he pushes and I sigh_

_"Twins, a boy and a girl. By the looks of it." I tell him and immediately regret it when I see the fire in his eyes. I know immediately that he's going to do something that's both stupid and deadly._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_Peeta and I are on the roof of the training center. It's late afternoon and my head is on his lap, I'm making a crown of flowers while he plays with my hair. I remember this because it was the last romantic moment we had together._

_After awhile his hands stop and he sighs. I look at him curiously._

_"What is it?" I ask_

_"I just wish I can freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever." He says and I smile sadly at him._

_"I do too." I answer him truthfully, we're quiet for awhile, It's Peeta that breaks the silence._

_"Katniss" he calls me softly_

_"Hmm?" I look at him questioningly_

_"Can you... can you sing for me?" he asks me hesistantly. I'm quiet for awhile, I think about it and realize that, even if he fell in love with me for my voice, I have never once sang for him and him alone._

_"Okay" I reply and he smiles_

_"Then you'll sing?" he asks and I nod. I pause, thinking of a song, when I remember a song my mother used to sing for me. She told me she learned it from one of her bestfriends. My mother has a nice voice, but it isn't like my father's that can make even the mockingjays fall silent. I sit up and face him. Its now or never, I think as I open my mouth._

_If I could take this moment forever  
Turn the pages of my mind  
To another place and time  
We would never say goodbye  
_

_If I could find the words I would speak them  
Then I wouldn't be tongue-tied  
When I looked into your eyes  
We would never say goodbye_

_If I could stop the moon ever rising  
Day would not become the night  
Wouldn't feel this cold inside  
__And we'd never say goodbye_

_I wish that our dreams were frozen  
Then our hearts would not be broken  
When we let each other go..._

_If I could steal this moment forever  
Paint a picture-perfect smile  
So our story stayed alive  
We would never say goodbye_

_As the last notes echo in the silent rooftop I notice that I have started crying again. I notice Peeta is crying as well. I know why, the song expresses what the two of us feel right now. How we wish we could live in this moment forever and not have to worry about losing each other in the Hunger Games._

_"That was beautiful. Thank you Katniss." Peeta tells me softly, through his tears. I lean forward and kiss him._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I'm in the cafeteria laughing at some joke Finnick said. It's a few days after the incident with Peeta. We all stop laughing when we notice him standing behind the seat beside Johanna. Johanna tells him he can sit with us and then says something about knowing each other by their screams, that has Annie almost going of into her own world. Luckily, Finnick stops her and pulls her up, saying that they'd be going out for a walk. I remember this day because of what happens next._

_"You better take care of her Finnick. Or I might just steal her away from you." Peeta says as they were leaving. By the tone he used you can tell he was serious. This has me flinching as I think about what it implies. The fact that he no longer loves me. Gale immediately grabs my hand under the table as he sees me near tears, damn hormones. While Finnick shoots me a meaningful glance, Delly I can tell is obviously pissed by this comment, but I'm not really sure, I'm just going by the way her eye is twitching.  
_

_"Oh, Peeta, don't make me regret restarting your heart." Finnick says as they leave._

_"So are you two together now?" Peeta questions as we all look at him in shock._

_"Nah, I think the two of them just make out in closests somewhere." Johanna says as I glare at her, from the side I could see Peeta's hands ball into fists._

_"You know, I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself." Gale says harshly_

_"Seen what?" Peeta questions_

_"Oh, the mutt they've replaced you with." Johanna answers. _

_Delly's eye starts twitching uncontrollably, from behind her I see Prim enter and I remember I have an appointment with one of the Doctors. With that I stand up, this immediately ends any discussion as they all look at me questioningly._

_"I have an appointment with a Doctor." I tell them and Delly's eyes immediately stop twitching and take on its worried look._

_"They want to see if everythings alright after my mishap in Two, with my due date only a few days away." I tell her quickly._

_ By this time Prim has already reached us and Gale has already stood up."Your mother asked me to make sure nothing happens to you when she can't be there." Gale tells me as he takes my tray and his over to dispose of it._

_We were almost out the door when I hear the sound of someone being slapped hard, followed by someone screaming. I turn just in time to have my last glimpse of the cafeteria be, Delly who is at this point screaming at Peeta who has a red hand print on his cheek. Ouch, that must have hurt and he probably deserved it to get the mild mannered Delly to cross the line._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I've just entered the room and I notice Johanna isn't in her bed yet. I smile, sometime to think to myself. I'm happy because I saw Bonnie and Twill, apparently, their volunteers for the medical wing of Thirteen. I change out of the dull grey sweats that they've assigned us, into a nightgown I got from my house in Twelve. As soon as my head hits the pillow, though, I fall asleep. I only wake up when Johanna flops herself onto my bed. I remember this moment because this is when my relationship with Johanna changes._

_"It was so hillarious. You should have seen it. Peeta made a totally inappropriate comment about you, Gale and some chick named Madge and Delly compeletly blew her top and slapped Peeta. It looked really painful, mind you, and she started screaming at him about how the two of you wouldn't do that. And that he should respect Madge, because she's dead and all. Oh, and that Gale wouldn't replace her with you because the two of you are like siblings." Johanna said laughing, apparently, she hasn't notice the fact that I flinch everytime she says Madge's name. What she does notice is my silence.  
_

_"So, who is this Madge chick you guys keep on mentioning." Johanna asks._

_"Madge is the mayor's daughter, my best friend and Gale's late girlfriend. She died when the district was bombed. It turns out Haymitch warned them that something might happen during the Quell so they'd better be prepared to evacuate. Her father died because he ran into the Justice building and sounded the alarm, he didn't get out fast enough, he died a few feet away, her mother had died evacuating the elderly, Gale evacuated the people from the Seam and our families, Delly was in charge of the children, Madge was in charge of the rest of the town. She died because she noticed Peeta's family wasn't there and she ran back. Delly told me that it was because of Peeta's mother, Esther, being stubborn that the family was delayed. Gale didn't notice that Madge wasn't among the survivors until it was too late." I told her as I felt the tears spill down from my eyes._

_"Oh" that was all Johanna said as she handed me my hanky. I looked at her and before I could stop myself I blurted out the words I had been too unsure to say._

_"Johanna, do you want to be my daughter's godmother?" I ask her.__She doesn't respond for awhile, I can tell I've caught her by surprise._

_"Are you sure?" She asked me cautiously as if she's afraid I might take it back_

_"Positive." I tell her and she smiles at me_

_"Okay then. I'd be honored." She tells me._

_"Great, so that's you and Delly as godmothers and Gale and Finnick as godfathers." I tell her_

_"Finnick?" she asks me with a raised eyebrow, I nod_

_"I would have thought you would choose Haymitch." she tells me_

_"No way. He's the worst godfather ever." I tell her_

_"Oh, and how would you know?" she asks me amused_

_"Because, he's my godfather." I state plainly as she laughs in disbelief. We end up ignoring our schedule as we spend the rest of the day talking about the babies. Even now, when they aren't even born, I can already tell, they'll be an important part of Johanna's life. I can see it in the way her eyes shine as she asks me questions about my unborn children. Maybe, just maybe, this is what she needs, to get over whatever cruelties the Capitol has done to her._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_It's dinner time and we're all back in the cafeteria. Somehow, we all know Peeta won't be gracing us with his presence this meal time. I remember this moment because of the glee I saw in the eyes of everyone at our table. It was almost like it was during lunch. Finnick, Annie, Delly, Gale, Johanna and I sitting in a table together, only this time Haymitch and Beetee has decided to join us._

_"Hey, Finnick" I start as he looks at me and Johanna smiles at him knowingly, Gale and Delly share a look, I suppose they know what I'm about to ask him. "Do you want to be my son's godfather?" I ask as Annie squeals in delight._

_"Well, I guess , all I have to say is" he starts in that low and seductive tone he used in the Capitol "HELL YES!" he finishes with an enthusiastic shout that has everyone in our table laughing while the others from the surrounding table look at us in shock._

_"Indoor voice, Finnick." Annie scolds him while he looks sheepish and kisses her._

_I think Finnick woke the babies up because the moment Annie scolds him, the twins decide to tag team their poor mother and kick me at the same time._

_"Ouch!" I let out involuntarily and rather loudly as I instinctively place my hand on my stomach. I notice everyone in the table looks at me worried._

_"It's nothing. I think Finnick woke them up. Now their rather cranky." I tell them as I take Johanna's hand and place it on my stomach. Gale and Delly already know what it feels like because they've been helping me since my stomach got to big for me to move fast. Johanna's eyes go wide and her lips form a true smile._

_"Is that them?" She asks me as I nod_

_"Hey, I want to feel my godchild too." Finnick says as he stands up and places his hand on my stomach, Annie follows him and soon the three of them are akwardly cooing my stomach._

_"How do you get them to calm down?" Haymitch asks me_

_"I sing to them" I respond_

_"That's funny. I haven't heard you sing." Johanna tells me_

_"That's because they finally got the message that mommy doesn't like waking up in the middle of the night." I retort_

_"Can I hear you sing?" Annie asks sweetly and I smile at her. It's just so hard to say no to Annie._

_When the night is still,_  
_And the sea is calm,_  
_Lonely shadow, you fall upon me._

_Lay by my side,_  
_Fear not tonight,_  
_Lonely shadow, you'll find a new light._

_Dream a dream_  
_And see through angel's eyes_  
_A place where we can fly away._  
_Ride with me upon a shining star,_  
_Above the moonlit sky_  
_We will find Elysium._

_Hear the nightingale_  
_Sing a lullaby_  
_Lonely shadow, you'll find a new light._

_Dawn will be kind,_  
_All will be bright,_  
_Lonely shadow, rise from the darkness._

_Dream a dream_  
_And see through angel's eyes_  
_A place where we can fly away._  
_Ride with me upon a shining star,_  
_Above the moonlit sky and so_  
_We'll Dream a dream_  
_And see through angel's eyes_  
_A place where we can fly away._  
_We'll Dream a dream_  
_And see through angel's eyes_  
_A place where we can fly away._  
_Elysium_

_As I finish singing I notice the cafeteria has gone silent. I look up to see that everyone is looking at me in awe. Well, everyone except for Haymitch, who has his eyes narrowed at me. Someone starts clapping and soon enough everyone is, even Haymitch._

_"Wow, you really do have a nice voice." Johanna says as Finnick nods in agreement. I see Delly with tears in her eyes, I think she remembers the first time I sang, Madge was there, and she encouraged me to sing._

_"That was really beautiful. Thank you Katniss." Annie tells me, little did she know her words send me back to the night in the training center's roof. My last real night with Peeta._

_"Where did you learn that song?" Haymitch asks me harshly as everyone looks at him in shock._

_"Now, you don't have to be so rude, Haymitch. Katniss has just given us a great performance." Beetee reprimands him._

_I continue to stare at Haymitch. Where did I learn that song? My father of course, just like I know all of the other songs. My father learned it from one of my mother's bestfriends who is... Oh, Haymitch's late fiancée. I instinctively reach for my father's ring. Prim returned it to me when I arrived in Thirteen. She didn't go to the archive._

_"No, its okay Beetee" I start "I learned it from my father." I tell him. I won't elaborate any further because it might just bring back more unwanted memories for Haymitch._

_"Typical Petrarch. Can't keep his mouth shut when he sings." Haymitch says with a sigh as he starts laughing._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I'm sleeping soundly when I feel a stab of pain that wakes me up. I notice the bed is wet just in time for another wave of pain to hit me. Instantly I know what's happening and I'm happy that it's Johanna that's with me. I remember this day because it's the second most important day for me._

_"Johanna!" I shout and I see her sit up instantly._

_"Wha's goin' on?" She asks me groggily. I almost laugh because she had started taking a more active role in helping me with my pregnancy since I asked her to be a godmother, mind you it was just a week ago._

_"Call my mother. I've just gone into labor." I tell her and instantly I see all the sleep wash away from her._

_"You sure?" she asks me._

_"Of course I'm sure. What else could it be?" I snap at her._

_"Okay, I'm just making sure." she says and with that she's out the door and across the hall, pounding on my mother's door._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I remember how right it felt the first time I held them. It's a few hours after the incident in the room, Johanna stayed with me through the entire delivery as my mother acted as the midwife and Prim has disappeared. I didn't find out until later what she had done. I remember this moment because this is the first time I've held my babies, and, I can't help but cry as I remembered Peeta's promise to me a few months ago. During the night of our toasting 'I swear to be there for you through out any pregnancies you may have, and to be there with you, holding your hand when you bring them into the world.' I curse the Capitol because obviously he can't be here to fulfill that promise because of the hijacking.  
_

_The doors swing open as Gale, Delly, Haymitch, Finnick and Annie enter. They all congratulate me before they start cooing at their godchildren. Prim enters after them and tells me that they made her promise to call them the moment I go into labor no matter what. The moment Johanna woke my mother and Prim up, she rushed to their rooms and all of them proceeded to wait and or pace outside the room.  
_

_"They're so cute. What are you going to name them?" Delly asks me_

_"This little girl is Madeline Anne Everdeen-Mellark." I tell her as Gale's head immediately snaps up to look at me, his eyes shining with tears at the significance of the name I've given his goddaughter._

_"And the boy?" Annie asks, after all, by extension she is also his godmother._

_"Patrick Rye Everdeen-Mellark." I answer as Delly looks at me sadly, she knows why I named him Rye, he was after all Peeta's favorite brother._

_"Well, I can tell he's going to be a heartthrob." Finnick tells me grinning, while I roll my eyes and smile as well. This, this is my new family, the people I can trust with my children should something happen to me and Peeta is still under the influence of the venom._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I enter my room inside President Snow's mansion and I immediately see my children sleeping soundly in their cribs. It seems like Johanna and Delly have done a good job at getting them to sleep. I manage to muster a smile for them but even that is half-hearted. My mind is cloudy because of my previous conversation with Snow. I remember this moment clearly because it's the reason why I'm here, reliving my most important memories. It's the moment I decide death is my only escape.  
_

_I sit on my desk and take out a piece of paper and pen, I intend to write a letter to Peeta, to explain my actions to him. I don't owe anything to Gale because he's the reason my sister is dead. My mother, Delly, Johanna and Haymitch will know what to do. So the only person I have to write to is to him. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to think of anything to say, anything I would want to say. Where should I start? I think as the tears start to make their way down my eyes. Suddenly, my children are crying and I go to them, rock their cribs as I sing to them the songs that only I knew, rather, I'm the only person alive who knows them, apart from Haymitch of course, but he doesn't count because he's always drunk.  
_

_There's a place for us,  
Somewhere a place for us.  
Peace and quiet and open air  
Wait for us somewhere.  
_

_**I pray that this is true. That there is something nice waiting for me out there.**  
_

_There's a time for us,  
Someday a time for us.  
Time together with time to spare,  
Time to learn,  
time to care._

_**The time for me has already passed. I've stained my hands with the blood of countless people.**_

_Someday, somewhere  
We'll find a new way of living,  
We'll find a way of forgiving,  
Somewhere.  
_

_**I hope they can all learn to forgive me for what I am about to do.**  
_

_There's a place for us,  
A time and place for us.  
Hold my hand and we're halfway there  
Hold my hand and I'll take you there,  
Somehow, someday, somewhere.  
_

_**I wonder what my after life would be like? Will it be heaven or hell for me?**  
_

_Someday, somewhere  
We'll find a new way of living,  
We'll find a way of forgiving,  
Somewhere.  
_

_**I hope that Finnick, Boggs and the others can forgive me for their deaths. I think about the final moments of the 74th Hunger Games, how everything would have been different if I had just killed myself. I think of the people who died because of that one moment. Prim, Boggs, Finnick, Lyme, Mags, Wiress, Seader, Chaff, Cecilia, Woof, the Morphling Addicts, all of them dead because of me. Dead because Snow changed the Quarter Quell card and sent them back to the arena with me. Well, not Lyme, she died in two.**  
_

_There's a place for us,  
A time and place for us.  
Hold my hand and we're halfway there  
Hold my hand and I'll take you there,_

_**I wish that if I closed my eyes right now, I'd be back in the meadow with all of my loved ones.**_

_As I hit the last notes of my song I close my eyes and imagine the meadow back in Twelve with everyone having fun, like they did at the end of the Victory Tour. I immediately begin my next song.  
_

_May it be an evening star  
Shines down upon you  
May it be when darkness falls  
Your heart will be true  
You walk a lonely road  
Oh! How far you are from home  
_

_**I think of how true those words are. District Twelve is gone and I am no longer the girl I was before the Hunger Games.**_

_Mornië utúlië (Darkness has come)  
Believe and you will find your way  
Mornië alantië (Darkness has fallen)  
A promise lives within you now  
_

_**I look at my children and think of the hope they bring me, I think of the people they can inspire. So innocent, yet, their existance has helped us all bare the pain this war has brought.**_

_May it be the shadow's call  
Will fly away  
May it be your journey on  
To light the day  
When the night is overcome  
You may rise to find the sun  
_

_**They are my sun. They calm my fears and drive away the darkness, something that, once upon a time, only their father could do.**  
_

_Mornië utúlië (Darkness has come)  
Believe and you will find your way  
__Mornië alantië (Darkness has fallen)  
__A promise lives within you now_

_A promise lives within you now_

_**Yes, they have a whole life ahead of them. One where they can influence so many people, where they can change history.**_

_The children fall asleep after that and I stop rocking the cribs. I return to my desk and grab the pen. This time, I know what to write. Where to start. I can't stop the tears that fall. I start it by reminding him he still has the twins and my mother to take care of, then I continue to my family history, the reason why I must die. Finally, I end it by telling him what he means to me, I remind him how much I love him. With that I seal the letter and head out the door._

_It doesn't take long to get to Haymitch's room, its just two doors down. I open it to find him in his ever intoxicated state. He takes one look at me and immediately he knows that it would be best to keep his mouth shut. I hand him the letter and he just looks at it. He knows its not for him but he doesn't know why I'm giving it to him to keep and probably deliver at a later date._

_"It's for Peeta." I whisper, for a moment he doesn't reply, I almost think he hasn't heard what I said_

_"I can see that, Sweetheart." He tells me in a voice as equally quiet as mine._

_"Give it to him. You'll know the right time. I don't think I can face him. Not right now." I tell him, he has yet to take the letter from me._

_"Why? What are you thinking?" He asks and I cringe internally, nothing escapes him even if he is drunk._

_"Please, just don't ask any questions." I beg him, almost nearing tears. He looks alarmed_

_"Alright." He says immediately and takes the letter for him. I turn around ready to leave but I pause before I open the door._

_"Thank You, Haymitch." I tell him and in my mind I add the words **for everything**._

* * *

Black... Next memory

_I'm sitting in a room with the remaining Victors, which consists of only Beetee, Enobaria, Johanna, Peeta, Haymitch and I. Wow, we're all that's left. Plutarch and President Coin are there and right now we're all looking at them in disbelief. I remember this moment because it's the moment that proves what Snow said, about how much of a tyrant Coin is. All I can remember thinking is 'Is this real?'_

_Coin has just asked us if we wanted to host one final Hunger Games with the Capitol's children. The children of those in high government positions that is. Enobaria and Johanna immediately vote yes. Peeta, Beetee and Annie vote no and now everyone's looking at me and Haymitch. I close my eyes and think, if we do hold another Hunger Games who's to say we could stop there. What if we couldn't, if the people's lust for the Capitol's blood makes it a tradition. I think of the possibility of another rebellion and how that would affect my children. My hands go to my neck as I pull out the chain and close my eyes, my hand gripping my father's ring tight, as if I could get some wisdom. My thoughts go to Haymitch and how much his victory cost him._

_"Haymitch, what was her name?" I ask him as he looks at me in shock_

_"Who?" he asks though we both know who I'm referring to._

_"Your late fiancée, the one the Capitol executed because you won. The one who taught my father those songs no one else knows, my mother's other best friend." I tell him and I see him flinch at my words. The others are watching our exchange with curiosity._

_"Her name was Saffron Ryder. She was just eighteen years old and... and she was pregnant." He tells me his eyes are closed but the pain is evident in his voice._

_"I'm sorry. But, I really have to ask, What did she think of the Hunger Games?" I ask him, his eyes snap open and he looks at me._

_"She hated it. She was afraid our children would get taken away by the Capitol, and when I won, she had panic attacks, because she knew that they would most likely be reaped because I'm a victor. In fact she would probably have my head if she were here, for even considering having another Hunger Games. But she's not because of Snow." He tells me._

_"So, she was like me. She feared the thought of having children because they would surely be reaped. I bet she didn't want children until she found out she was pregnant." I tell him and he nods_

_"Before I went into the arena, I detested the thought of falling in love because of my mother. I detested the thought of getting married and having children because I knew I could lose them to the Games, now, I have two wonderful children. And... and I don't think I can let anyone else live with the fear I lived with all my life. Even if they are from the Capitol. Why condemn the children for something their parents had done? After all wasn't there the saying 'Do the sons bear the sins of the Father' and a response to that was 'The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself.' So I guess that's my answer." I tell them_

_"I vote" I start "No!" I see Peeta smile at me as we turn to Haymitch._

_"Saffron wouldn't have wanted it so, No." He says._

* * *

A flash of light and I'm standing in front of Saffron once again. _Saffron, Saffron. Wait a minute. Oh. My. God. _I think as I look at her. I notice we're standing in a room with a comfy looking living room set that's facing a mirror that spans the entire wall, on both sides are two doors.

"You're Haymitch's..." I say in shock as she nods.

"Why are you here? Wherever here is." I ask

"You're in the decision room. It's where you decide if you stay in the afterlife or if you return to the land of the living. I'm here to guide you through it." She tells me

"Are you the guardian of the room?" I ask as she shakes her head.

"Your guide has to be someone who you have a connection too, but won't be able to influence your decision by making you choose what they want. It just so happened that I was the perfect person for the job." she explains.

"What if I stay?" I ask

"See for yourself." She said as she ushers me to the door on the left and I obediently follow. I can't stop the gasp that escapes my lips. The scenery is breathtaking. It was full of trees, and flowers, animals roamed the property, there was a lake and beautiful houses built by it. But that wasn't what made me gasp, no, it was the fact that everyone who I cared about that died was having a picnic in what looked like the meadow back home. Something seemed wrong though.

"Can they see me?" I ask without taking my eyes off of the peaceful scenery.

"No, they know your here but they can't see you." she tells me

I'm about to pass through the door when she stops me. I look at her questioningly.

"If you go through this door, it means you've decided to stay in the afterlife. Don't forget, whatever you choose is permanent." She tells me sadly.

"I don't see why I need to go back. No one needs me." I whisper. She just shakes her head and sighs.

"That's not true. They still need you." This makes me angry. No one needs me.

"The rebellion's over! No one needs me anymore!" I snap at her.

"I never said they needed the mockinjay. I meant your children, your friends, your mother and your husband needed you." She says softly. Instantly I think of my mother, my poor mother who has already lost her husband and one daughter, she doesn't need to lose another one. Delly who's been supporting me while dealing with the loss of her parents, she needs her last remaining female friend. Then there's Gale, I suppose I can forgive him, it wasn't his fault after all. My children, their too young to grow up without their mother. Finally, Peeta, he's just getting better, I need to be there for him.

Suddenly, I feel someone grab my left hand and I immediately feel warmth spread from it, that's when I hear Peeta's voice _"Please wake up. For your mother, for Madeline and Patrick, for me." _He whispers, it didn't matter though, I could hear it as clearly as if he was shouting the words into my ear. Instantly, I knew what it meant, there was only one reason why he'd be there by my bedside, without worrying about having an episode, he's back, My Peeta's back, he beat the tracker jacker venom.

That did the trick, I step away from the door and allow Saffron to close it before I head to the other door. However, I suddenly think of something and I stop halfway.

"What happened to Snow and Coin." I ask while Saffron laughs.

"They've been sentenced to an eternity in Hell for their crimes. See." She tells me as she points to the mirror. Except it isn't a mirror anymore. It's a screen.

"_This is all your fault snowflake. If you didn't provoke me I wouldn't be here." Coin says while I laugh Snowflake?_

"_Oh sure put all the blame on me. You're not so innocent yourself Al." Snow retorts and soon enough the two of them are screaming._

The screen turns back into a mirror as I digest what just happened. A few minutes later I see Saffron looking down, she's standing by the door of the living.

"What is it?" I ask her

"Can you do me a favor." that wasn't what I was expecting

"Sure" I reply

"Tell Haymitch, tell him that I love him and I'm happy here. But, those here in Heaven can watch their loved ones, and, I'm not happy with what I see. He has to stop living in the past, get over it and stop drinking. It's not good for him." She tells me, at this point, I can see she's about to cry. She must really love him.

"I will" I promised her.

"One last thing" she started as she removed the chain and placed it on my right hand "give this to him as proof that you talked to me. Tell him not to open it unless Capri and the others are there. Let's just say we found a way to send one last message but someone has to deliver it." She finishes as she gives me a hug. After that I step through the door.

* * *

The next thing I'm aware of is Peeta crying beside me, with him gripping my left hand tightly. I squeeze it to let him know I'm alright. The moment I open my eyes I see Peeta looking at me with relief and tears in his eyes. When it doesn't stop, I start to worry that he might be hurt.

"Peeta, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask but he only laughs in response

"I'm fine. Better than that. I'm perfect." he says as he hugs me. We stay like that for awhile before he pulls away and holds me at arms length. His blue eyes catch mine and I can't help but stare at them, I'm trapped by the intensity of his gaze.

"Katniss, don't you ever scare me like that again." He tells me, his tone is serious and I can see the pain and hurt in his eyes, caused by my latest moment of insanity and selfishness.

"I won't." I promise him as I lean in for a kiss. Unfortunately, Haymitch chooses this time to enter.

"Well, it seems like you two have everything under control." He teases as the two of us break away. Seeing Haymitch reminds me of my promise to Saffron, and casting a glance at my right hand to make sure it wasn't a dream, start speaking.

"Haymitch! I spoke to Saffron. She's the one who convinced me to go back instead of staying in the afterlife." I blurt out without thinking of the consequences of my ill chosen words.

The effect it has on Haymitch is instantaneous. The bottle in his hand falls to the floor and shatters, his eyes are wide and his lips are pressed tightly together.

"What did you just say?" He asks me angrily as he slowly makes his way towards me. Peeta stands up to stop Haymitch from getting to me, as if that would protect me from the wrath of an angry and drunk Haymitch.

I immediately raise my right hand and wave the chain in front of him. This makes him stop.

"How? Where did you get that?" He asks me, his face drained of blood.

"She told me you wouldn't believe me, so she gave me the chain, locket and ring to prove to you that I did talk to her." I told him as I handed it to him. Once he had it in his hand I can see him hold it tightly and kiss the locket.

"What did she say?" He asks me quietly as he sits down on one of the chairs in my room.

"She told me to tell you that she loves you and that she's happy where she is, but what she's not happy about is how you waste your life in alcohol. Apparently, they have a way to watch what happens here in the land of the living. Oh, and you aren't supposed to open the locket without mom and the others. She says that they found a way to deliver one final message but I had to bring that back." I tell him. I can see he is eager to hear the message as he rushes out.

* * *

A/N: the songs in the chapter are "I am a thousand Winds" "Never Say Goodbye" by Hayley Westenra the other one is "Dream a Dream" by Charlotte Church and "Somewhere" & "May it Be" by Hayley Westenra. The last song is actually a cover. The Bible passage is from Ezekiel 18:20


End file.
